Jeff Vs Freddy Krueger: The Real Story
Author's note: You can read either the regular one, or the one written under a lipless person's pronunciation ability, or both. UPDATE: Having the story and its epilogue have proper English and bad English, respectively, made no sense even for a trollpasta due to causing a plot hole, so I fixed up the ending bits. Properly spelled version Jeff travelled to Elm Street, trying to find more victims for his pleasure and delight. Walking down the fresh rained road, with his footsteps causing small splashes in the puddles, he began to sing a song, Go to sleep Go to sleep Go to sleep, precious victim Nighty night Nighty night Pray to God the hellhounds don’t bite He saw three little girls jump roping and his eyes lit up with fire as he slowly began to stalk towards them with his knife drawn. But he stopped in mid step as if he were frozen in time. He listened carefully to a song that they sung that he knows all too well. 1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you 3, 4, better lock your door 5, 6, better grab your crucifix 7, 8, better stay up late 9, 10… never sleep again Just then, a figure appeared out of Jeff’s shadow. A low, unholy laugh escaped the figure’s lips. Jeff turned around, with his everlasting smile still on his face. But deep down, the figure knows he is not amused. “So, you’re the famous Jeff the Killer, huh?”, the figure says with a snarl. “And you must be the infamous Freddy Krueger. Not a fan and, most importantly, not amused by your work.” “What is that supposed to mean, you little faggot?”, Freddy barks. “Well, first of all, you’re all burnt and fugly as Hell and, two, you got your ass kicked by several girls and a little boy. You’re supposed to be a Dream DEMON, not a Dream FAIRY!”, Jeff laughed. Freddy began to walk slowly around Jeff, who remained unfazed by the dream killer. After about 5 minutes, Freddy was the first to speak up. “So how about a little wager, huh? Let’s see who dies first.” “Be my guest, sunshine. How about you make the first move, but please try not to die quickly; I want to savor this kill, for it will be my greatest ever to be able to help the very Dream Demon that killed so many people go to… SLEEP”, Jeff cackled as he drew his knife. Freddy lunged at Jeff, who dodged his attack with ease and kicked Freddy in the ass, which caused him to fall onto his face and tumble. Freddy got up and dusted himself. An evil sneer made itself present on Freddy’s face. “Time to take this to my home”, Freddy laughed as they were transported to the Dream World. “Oh, this world seems wonderful; so dark, so damp and full of despair and pain. I think I shall take over this place once I kill you, Freddy. Don’t worry, I will take good care of it.” “No fucking way you will ever beat me in my own HOME!!!”, Freddy said, stabbing Jeff in the back. Blood gushed from Jeff’s stomach as he looked down and saw four blades from Freddy’s claws coming out, which caused him to only laugh and look back at Freddy, who then had a worried look on his face. “Was that your best trick? If not, then please try harder. I can take more”, Jeff laughs maniacally. “W… What the fuck are you?!”, Freddy screamed as he pulled his claw from Jeff and tried to stab him again. But Jeff turned around and stared deep into the eyes of Freddy. All Freddy could see in Jeff’s black eyes were pain… and death. “See Freddy, the difference between me and you is, you’re a Dream Demon… I am, I guess you can call me the devil’s favorite demon. Two, I don’t fear you and, three, you are just a BAD dream. Me? I am the fucking black plague. Shit, I AM THE APOCALYPSE! So please lay down… AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!” Jeff laughed as he launched himself at Freddy. With a single plunge into the mouth and back of the throat, Jeff vanquished his opponent, who fell dead onto his back. Jeff pulled the knife out of the struck down dream killer and raised his weapon in the air in triumph, laughing. “Now that I killed Freddy once and for all, I can take over his position and this world and I will start a new reign of terror of larger proportions than even I could ever fathom!” He cackled like the maniac he is and looked down to his abdomen, which completely healed after the jabbing he took. “Now, where do I begin?” Walking away from the motionless Freddy, Jeff saw a dark doorway that leads to the interior of a Dream World temple. The doorway was also accompanied by statues of three serpentine, skeletal faced creatures known as the Dream Demons. “The Dream Demons could very well choose ME as their next agent instead. Maybe I will even become their BOSS! After that, I will be UNSTOPPABLE!” Full of hype and ambition, Jeff the Killer slowly walked up to the doorway and, even more slowly, creeped his way through it, waiting to meet and have a talk with these entities. As soon as Jeff was fully encapsulated by the temple’s darkness… … A FREDDY KRUEGER POPPED OUT! Jeff was hurled backwards, out the doorway, landing on his gluteus maximus and tumbling until he was face down on the floor. Jeff got up and dusted himself. Freddy spoke with a sadistic smile: “Did you really think you could kill me, you little shit?” Out of sheer disbelief, Jeff looked at Freddy, and then behind him to see that Freddy’s motionless body was not there anymore. Jeff exclaimed, “That is impossible! I clearly plunged my knife right into your head and watched you die! You were totally intimidated, more so when we stared each other in the eyes… into my eyes, you saw nothing but pure, unadulterated, pain and fear, FOR I AM THE VERY EMBODIMENT OF DEATH AND ALL THAT IS HORRIBLE!” “Such delusions of grandeur. When we stared each other in the eyes, I magically injected into your numb skull the sensation that you were paralyzing me with fear.” It was then that Jeff the Killer felt utmost anger; such anger that he had never felt in his entire life. His meltdown was so massive that even his Glasgow grin had transformed into a Glasgow frown. “Hee hee, not a permanent smile anymore, isn’t it Jeffery?”, mocked Freddy. “NO! I WILL NOT PERMIT THIS! I WILL MAKE YOU GO TO FUCKING SLEEP IF IT’S THE LAST THING I FUCKING DO!” Freddy then grinned even harder and said, “Before you do, allow me to tell you something you don’t know.” “Make it quick, you ugly burn victim!” Freddy pointed his fish knife glove at the other burn victim and said: “Omae wa mou shindeiru.” “I only speak American, motherfucker!.. wait… nani?” Jeff felt a tingling sensation in his stomach. He looked down and saw marks that were where Freddy’s blades went. The marks soon became wounds, which slowly opened. Jeff grabbed his back and stomach, hunching over in pain, which only got worse as the wounds were tearing open more. Then, Jeff felt great pain in his bones… quite literally. “REEEEEEEEEE!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?” Jeff was on his knees and even more curved forward, with his hands clenching onto his wounds. A fleshy bulge was present on the back wound, pulsating faster and bigger every time. Jeff the Killer unleashed a final, massive scream of agony as his body looked like it was slightly shrinking, and the bulge was huge and looking like it was about to burst. Twelve hundred centiseconds later… … JEFF THE KILLER’S SKELETON POPPED OUT! Apart from the bones, all else that was left was a lifeless, blobby, snow white husk made only of skin, blood, muscles, organs and remnants of bleach and vodka. Freddy then pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Now, who else is next? Hmm...", he said, and began to read off of it as he walked away: "Jane, Liu, Majour Complex Carnage Project, Thomas, Natalie..." EPILOGUE My name is Jeff the Killer. I'm now a skeleton and wrote this whole story. I'm trapped in the Dream World where Freddy Krueger made me his bitch and life sucks down here. How am I writing and communicating to you? I happened to find a random laptop lying around here. Probably belonged to some other poor bastard who Freddy fucked up. But that's beside the point. Point is, I was never ready for Freddy and chances are that you're next anytime soon just like the dream killer picked me. Let this story be a lesson to you. Whatever you do… DON’T… GO… TO SLEEP! Jeffspeak (Jeghskeak) version Jeff travelled to Elm Street, trying to find more victims for his pleasure and delight. Walking down the fresh rained road, with his footsteps causing small splashes in the puddles, he began to sing a song, Go to sleek Go to sleek Go to sleek, krecious wictin Nighty night Nighty night Kray to God the hellhounds don’t dite He saw three little girls jump roping and his eyes lit up with fire as he slowly began to stalk towards them with his knife drawn. But he stopped in mid step as if he were frozen in time. He listened carefully to a song that they sung that he knows all too well. 1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you 3, 4, better lock your door 5, 6, better grab your crucifix 7, 8, better stay up late 9, 10… never sleep again Just then, a figure appeared out of Jeff’s shadow. A low, unholy laugh escaped the figure’s lips. Jeff turned around, with his everlasting smile still on his face. But deep down, the figure knows he is not amused. “So, you’re the famous Jeff the Killer, huh?”, the figure says with a snarl. “And you nust de the inhamous Hreddy Krueger. Not a han and, nost intortantly, not anused dye your work.” “What is that supposed to mean, you little faggot?”, Freddy barks. “Well, hirst og all, you’re all durnt and hugly as Hell and, two, you got your ass kicked gy segeral girls and a little goy. You’re sukkosed to ge a Drean DENON, not a Drean HAIRY!”, Jeff laughed. Freddy began to walk slowly around Jeff, who remained unfazed by the dream killer. After about 5 minutes, Freddy was the first to speak up. “So how about a little wager, huh? Let’s see who dies first.” “Dee ny guest, sunshine. How agout you nake the hirst noove, gut clease try not to die quickly; I want to sagor this kill, hor it will ge my greatest eger to ge agle to helk the wery Drean Denon that killed so nany keokle go to… SLEEK”, Jeff cackled as he drew his knife. Freddy lunged at Jeff, who dodged his attack with ease and kicked Freddy in the ass, which caused him to fall onto his face and tumble. Freddy got up and dusted himself. An evil sneer made itself present on Freddy’s face. “Time to take this to my home”, Freddy laughed as they were transported to the Dream World. “Oh, this world seens wonderhul; so dark, so dank and hull o’ deskair and kain. I think I shall take ower this klace once I kill you, Hreddy. Don’t worry, I will take good care o’ it.” “No fucking way you will ever beat me in my own HOME!!!”, Freddy said, stabbing Jeff in the back. Blood gushed from Jeff’s stomach as he looked down and saw four blades from Freddy’s claws coming out, which caused him to only laugh and look back at Freddy, who then had a worried look on his face. “Was that your dest trick? Igh not, then clease try harder. I can take knore”, Jeff laughs maniacally. “W… What the fuck are you?!”, Freddy screamed as he pulled his claw from Jeff and tried to stab him again. But Jeff turned around and stared deep into the eyes of Freddy. All Freddy could see in Jeff’s black eyes were pain… and death. “See Hreddy, the dihherence getween nee and you is, you’re a Drean Denon… I an, I guess you can call nee the dewil’s hagorite denon. Two, I don’t hear you and, hree, you are just a GAD drean. Nee? I an the hucking glack klague. Shit, I AN THE ACOCKALYKS! So clease lay down… AND GO THE HUCK TO SLEEK!” Jeff laughed as he launched himself at Freddy. With a single plunge into the mouth and back of the throat, Jeff vanquished his opponent, who fell dead onto his back. Jeff pulled the knife out of the struck down dream killer and raised his weapon in the air in triumph, laughing. “Now that I killed Hreddy once and hor all, I can take ower his kosition and this world and I will start a new reign o’ terror o’ larger krokortions than even I could eger hathom!” He cackled like the maniac he is and looked down to his abdomen, which completely healed after the jabbing he took. “Now, where do I gegin?” Walking away from the motionless Freddy, Jeff saw a dark doorway that leads to the interior of a Dream World temple. The doorway was also accompanied by statues of three serpentine, skeletal faced creatures known as the Dream Demons. “The Drean Denons could wery well choose NEE as their next agent instead. Naydee I will even decone their DOSS! Agter that, I will dee UNSTOKKAGLE!” Full of hype and ambition, Jeff the Killer slowly walked up to the doorway and, even more slowly, creeped his way through it, waiting to meet and have a talk with these entities. As soon as Jeff was fully encapsulated by the temple’s darkness… … A FREDDY KRUEGER POPPED OUT! Jeff was hurled backwards, out the doorway, landing on his gluteus maximus and tumbling until he was face down on the floor. Jeff got up and dusted himself. Freddy spoke with a sadistic smile: “Did you really think you could kill me, you little shit?” Out of sheer disbelief, Jeff looked at Freddy, and then behind him to see that Freddy’s motionless body was not there anymore. Jeff exclaimed, “That is inkossigle! I clearly klunged ny knigh right into your head and watched you die! You were totally intimidated, nore so when we stared each other in the eyes… into ny eyes, you saw nothing gut kure, unadulterated, kain and hear, FOR I AN THE WERY ENDODINENT OF DEATH AND ALL THAT IS HORRIDLE!” “Such delusions of grandeur. When we stared each other in the eyes, I magically injected into your numb skull the sensation that you were paralyzing me with fear.” It was then that Jeff the Killer felt utmost anger; such anger that he had never felt in his entire life. His meltdown was so massive that even his Glasgow grin had transformed into a Glasgow frown. “Hee hee, not a permanent smile anymore, isn’t it Jeffery?”, mocked Freddy. “NO! I WILL NOT KERNIT THIS! I WILL NAKE YOU GO TO HUCKING SLEEK IGH IT’S THE LAST THING I HUCKING DO!” Freddy then grinned even harder and said, “Before you do, allow me to tell you something you don’t know.” “Nake it quick, you ugly gurn wictin!” Freddy pointed his fish knife glove at the other burn victim and said: “Omae wa mou shindeiru.” “I only skeak Anerican, notherhucker!.. wait… nani?” Jeff felt a tingling sensation in his stomach. He looked down and saw marks that were where Freddy’s blades went. The marks soon became wounds, which slowly opened. Jeff grabbed his back and stomach, hunching over in pain, which only got worse as the wounds were tearing open more. Then, Jeff felt great pain in his bones… quite literally. “REEEEEEEEEE!! WHAT IS HACKENING TO NEE!?” Jeff was on his knees and even more curved forward, with his hands clenching onto his wounds. A fleshy bulge was present on the back wound, pulsating faster and bigger every time. Jeff the Killer unleased a final, massive scream of agony as his body looked like it was slightly shrinking, and the bulge was huge and looking like it was about to burst. Twelve hundred centiseconds later… … JEFF THE KILLER’S SKELETON POPPED OUT! Apart from the bones, all else that was left was a lifeless, blobby, snow white husk made only of skin, blood, muscles, organs and remnants of bleach and vodka. Freddy then pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Now, who else is next? Hmm...", he said, and began to read off of it as he walked away: "Jane, Liu, Majour Complex Carnage Project, Thomas, Natalie..." EPILOGUE My name is Jeff the Killer. I'm now a skeleton and wrote this whole story. I'm trapped in the Dream World where Freddy Krueger made me his bitch and life sucks down here. How am I writing and communicating to you? I happened to find a random laptop lying around here. Probably belonged to some other poor bastard who Freddy fucked up. But that's beside the point. Point is, I was never ready for Freddy and chances are that you're next anytime soon just like the dream killer picked me. Let this story be a lesson to you. Whatever you do… DON’T… GO… TO SLEEP! Or how about... you go ahead and do so? All those unprotected hanky-pankies must be making you sleeeeeeepy. This is Freddy Krueger typing here to give you this message: Just to further rub salt into the wounds of the insignificant mongrel who believed to be more famous than myself, I took his story and re-typed it like how he actually spoke during our little tussle. Good thing my lips are practically still intact, despite the burns. Otherwise, how else could I properly wisecrack and verbally fuck with my victims, eh? I'm surprised that Mr. Fishface could even understand himself whenever he blabbered on and on. Now that my small bit of free time is over, I advise you all to go to sleep. I'll be waiting for you. ---- Credited to MADD HARE for the original story, and Horned-Prosciutto for this version of it Category:Jeff the Killer Category:Trollpasta Category:Satire Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck Category:Random Capitalization Category:Stupid is as the main character does Category:Delusional retard that should be in an asylum Category:DIALOGUE! Category:BATTELS Category:Blood Category:Memes Category:And then a skeleton popped out Category:Im died Category:YOU'RE NEXT